If I won an Oscar it'd go with me Everywhere

If Jennifer Lawrence isn't climbing into a Lyft statue-first, I don't want to know otherwise.

If I won an Oscar, I would take it everywhere.

And I mean everywhere.

I would keep it in my bag and set it on the table at the restaurant. I would bring it to the gym and set it down next to the bench.

Bus stop? Yes. Bar? Yes. The Bus Stop Bar? Yes.

You know Jennifer Hudson is somewhere in Chicago right now sitting at brunch with her Oscar. And she’s telling you, she (the Oscar) is not going.

Actually, one time I saw Rachel Weisz waiting for a table at brunch (which?), and she probably did have her Oscar in her bag. I would.

You know how when you go to someone’s house and there’s just a casual Oscar on the counter? Not on the bookshelf, but on the kitchen counter, but right where you’re sitting? As the centerpiece?

No? Me either. Because I don’t know anyone who has an Oscar (I don’t think) and I’m not in their house. But if I were, I mean, respect. That’s exactly where I would put it, too.

A few years ago for my birthday, Brad got me a mini Oscar, which might be the closest I get to a real one. (Unless that substack to best seller to screenplay to Oscar pipeline becomes a reality. You heard it here first, 27 subscribers!)

I do know someone who has an Emmy (technically, two Emmys – Emmies?) and she is very discrete about it. It was a bullet point on her resume when I met her during a job interview, which of course I naturally asked about right away. (She was very polite about it.) Years later, when we were working together (she got the job – not related to Emmy. But I guess it didn’t hurt?) she one time brought them onto a Zoom call (at my request) and when our boss joined legit THREW it out of camera view.

This is the exact opposite of what I would do. I’d wake up, untuck the Oscar from the other side of the bed, carry it with me to brush my teeth, and then casually put it next to me in the camera view of Zoom. No blurred backgrounds here.

For now, all I have is my mini one.

It used to be next to my bed, but now it sits nestled on the front desk - when I’m not carrying it around town, of course. It’s small, and among a bunch of other things. It’s sheen is wearing off. (It’s not real gold, FYI.) But, it’s there. And it makes me happy. And it will have to do for now.