"White Lotus" Characters from Worse to Worst

Spoiler Alert: The worst isn't Shane. (For now.)

Like many Gays™, I watched the “White Lotus” finale the other night. Maybe it’s because I stayed up past my bed time to participate in a cultural moment, or because it really is just so well done, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

I keep asking friends which characters they hated the most and everyone seems to have a different answer. I’m listing here my versions from not-so-bad to absolute worst, based on how I’m feeling right now*.

(*As in, right this second. I kept editing this list while I was writing it.)

So, feel free to fight me on this. Seriously. I swear, every time I read another interview with Mike White, or one of the actors, or hear another point of view, it shifts.

Oh, and obviously, there will be spoilers referenced if you’re still catching up.

White Lotus Characters from Worse to Worst

Belinda

Ugh, poor Belinda. She gives so much! This was just a heartbreaker. She gets played with like yarn to a cat – she’s just dropped when Tonya gets bored and finds something better to do. (And she thinks she can just solve it and put it away with a brick of cash. Gross. But also, um, yeah, take the cash.) Belinda can’t catch a break, even for a few minutes after seven o’clock. I think Belinda is truly the only likable character on here so it seems silly to even put her in the “worse” list, but she’s on the show and this is my list so here she is. That final scene where she puts on her smile – oh man, so darkly funny and sad. Natasha Rothwell was fantastic. Fantastic! I saw this tweet on Sunday which I too am manifesting.

Quinn

I like that he gave up his phone. I also don’t understand the plot point of how his parents wouldn’t freak out on the plane, and Hawaiian Airlines would take off without him, and he would have time to get back and get on that canoe before sunset, and the overall complications of his privilege to stay and do that, but it was a nice message. I think? I’m still unpacking this one.

Armond

Poor guy. When he spirals, oh lawd, he spirals. I would love to know what the six months were like leading up to this because my goodness, he fell fast. I also think Murray Bartlett is fantastic and his facial expressions — feigning horror over the romantic boat dinner gone awry; exclaiming “the best seating ever!” — are hilarious. His whole tete-a-tete with Shane was a bit childish but it drove the show and was fun so at least he gets points there. Also, can you imagine acting out that scene – that scene – and the skills it took to take it seriously? I mean to pivot from poop to murder. Well done.

Paula

I had so much hope for Paula. But I have to put her a little lower on my list because she basically assisted in a felony. She is one of my favorite characters, because Brittany O’Grady perfectly plays the awkwardness of being a plus-one on a family vacation: being let into all their mess, without the ability to openly participate in or critique it. (“I know that your balls are swollen” was an A+ moment at dinner.) Also, the whole having a fling on vacation that feels IMPORTANT and drives dumb decisions. Yay Paula but also don’t do crimes even if they’re against obnoxious people (see rest of list), I guess.

Tonya

The cat to Belinda’s yarn. Lots of points to Tonya for general demeanor, wardrobe and pronunciation of “chaise.” Biggest lol of the series when she drunkenly tosses the box of her mother’s ashes onto the side table. Beautiful scene at the end where she finally spreads them in the water. But my god this woman just can’t lift herself up by the bootstraps and uses people and uses people while letting herself be used all throughout the process. So interesting. Anyway, Jennifer Coolidge, I adore you. Emmy season here we come.

Kitty

I adore Molly Shannon and she was so good in this role. What a nightmare. I hated that she made it all about her, that she stuck her nose into the marriage business, that all she did was talk about Rachel’s beauty and encouraged her to just “be happy.” And her name was Kitty! How perfect. She was just so fun when she was on camera so yes she’s a terrible person and pure evil but oh man I love this character.

Nicole

OK so a lot of people had her as one of the worst but I … might have liked her? I’m not sure yet. I thought the scene where she was giving Rachel advice about orbits and whatnot was hilarious, but then I felt bad for her on the boat when she was crying about being a punching bag. (Brad did not.) And the terror of being robbed! Maybe I just really like Connie Britton, which is also a theme of this list of like, is my list just reflective of who I like or identify with IRL, which then adds a whole other layer of complication to this that I just need to keep meditating on and then draft for my own limited series.

Mark

I liked this piece a lot. (I guess I read Vulture a lot, wow, OK.) I guess I didn’t like or dislike him all that much and just felt kind of … blase about him? I don’t know. Maybe that’s the point. I’ll read more Mike White interviews.

Rachel

OK so I originally I would have had Rachel pretty high up on here, but after the finale I was like … oh, ok. You’re just as much a mess as the rest of them. Clearly she has chosen her path. I originally thought that Rachel was put on the show to perhaps be the bridge between the staff and the guests, and give us a more humane lens (the grounding of a Michael Bluth to the rest of the chaos), but that might just be because I cringe and really hate when people are rude to the servers at restaurants. Anyway. When she was crying in the spa and then hitting up our friend Belinda for help, I was like, no. No! Stop. And then rolls into the airport choosing to dance with her devil, my pity pot dried up with her real quick.

Shane

I know everybody hates Shane, and he’s definitely a dick, but I also think that, well, he did pay for the room? His reactions are awful and he’s a spoiled man child which I hate, so even though I don’t have him as the worst, he’s close. Also, full disclosure, maybe I don’t have him as the worst because last night we rented a Zipcar and it wasn’t in the lot, so Brad had to call them and walk across the neighborhood to get another Zipcar, and when he came to PICK ME UP IN IT, I got in and said “well they should have comped it for you or something” and then, in hearing myself, audibly gasped out loud.

So, for now, the worst …

Olivia

My god, this one. First off, she terrifies me, as most teenage girls do, and two, she is just generally awful. That said, I feel like by the end she is coming around and the vapid relationship she has with Paula started to get a little depth. The scene of their fight in the hotel room was one of the strongest in the series I thought. (Followed by the equally as strong, Tonya breaking up with Belinda – a one-two punch.) That said I can’t get over how pretentious and terrifying and mean she is in episodes 1 through 5. So she stays here. For now.

Honorable Mention for the Best

The wallpaper: How beautiful and haunting are the opening credits?

The music: I read a piece that called it Hawaiian Hitchcock which I think is so smart. It also made Brad cover his eyes or straight-up walk out of the room at the most intense parts.

The hunky canoe guys: I don’t blame Quinn, at all.